And when wanted felon Vin Diesel inexplicably seduces an honest cop over two scenes in which he gives off what can only be described as “a rapey vibe,” it’s hard not to burst into laughter. When an FBI agent played by The Rock appears in his first scene covered in more grease than he ever wore in the wrestling ring and immediately tells the commanding officer of the police force, “don’t fuck with me,” it’s hard to keep a straight face. When a car causes a bus to flip without incurring any damage, you’ve got to laugh.
Fast Five is one of those action movies so divorced from reality that it becomes hilarious. They are there to see things go boom and bad acting and dialogue is part of the charm. But that said, people who love action movies don’t tend to go into the theater looking for compelling characters and an original story. As a matter of fact it’s pretty terrible with convoluted storytelling, bad acting, wince-inducing dialogue, and ridiculously unbelievable action sequences. Now, that’s not to say that Fast Five is a good movie…at least not in a conventional way. There are still plenty of cash chases and pileups, but it’s in the service or age-old dumb action movie theatrics and the movie is better for it.
There are a couple of scenes set at street races, but we don’t actually see the races. Street racing barely even appears in the movie. The Fast And The Furious franchise started out loosely based on an article about underground street racing and now in the fifth entry has become a downmarket version of Ocean’s Eleven with more slow motion cleavage shots. Even the best action movies tend to have very simple central concepts that don’t allow for much experimentation and expansion. The Terminator might have initially been a frightening character, but by Rise Of The Machines Arnie was putting on Elton John sunglasses and saying “talk to the hand.” It’s kind of inevitable.
Rambo may have been a flawed and damaged Vietnam veteran in First Blood, but by Rambo III he was taking out entire armies single-handedly. When action movies make it a few too many titles into a franchise, things tend to get a little ridiculous.
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